In defence of my friend Kevin Spacey

I am looking for a way to get £80,000. The sum would come in handy. I could put it towards buying a cottage on Saint Helena, a seat in the House of Lords or dinner in central London. The problem is that I’m stumped for ways to get it.

Happily, this week’s news brings inspiration and I now realise that in order to make the necessary sum I will need someone – perhaps a dedicated reader? – to sing a Victoria Wood song at me in a suggestive, if not lewd, fashion.

When you remove the baggage with the male-to-female power dynamic, other dynamics come into view

For anyone who has not kept up with global events lately, I am referring to the case of Sam Nunns, who last week successfully sued his former employer, the manager of the Windermere Manor Hotel. Mr Nunns was the head chef at the establishment. He no longer is, after he sued over a number of incidences of ‘sexual harassment’ at the charming Lake District hotel.

One of these was the hotel’s manager singing the late Victoria Wood’s masterpiece ‘The Ballad of Barry and Freda’. For anyone who doesn’t know it, this riff on ‘Let’s Do It’ is probably the late comedienne’s most famous song. It includes the impeccable lines ‘This folly/ Is jolly/ Bend me over backwards on my hostess trolley’. It neatly sums up the English attitude towards sex, which is that it is essentially something to be giggled at when referred to at all.

But Mr Nunns did not giggle. On another occasion he had been touched once on his thigh, and on another on his nipple, he says. Then the hotel manager sang Victoria Wood at him suggestively and that was about it. An employment tribunal awarded him enough money to buy a hostess trolley every day for the next year.

It is odd, this new-found fashion for turning what was once everyday flirting into a matter for the law, especially when it comes to male-male relations. I think everybody is in agreement about what the rules are when it comes to heterosexual relations, which is that a man must be able to make one pass once in his life – although never at a colleague – and the recipient of the pass must be his helpmeet for life. Male approaches towards women now constitute a one-throw-once rule, with the one throw being a bulls-eye first time. Anything else opens up the man to accusations of sexual assault for the remaining decades of his life.

You might say that this makes light of actual sexual assault, like rape, and indeed it does. The people who wish to present themselves as a victim because someone once touched their thigh are doing one of several things. It is possible that they genuinely feel that a little cackhanded flirting violates the sanctum of their person. Or perhaps they are exaggerating the hurt caused to them because they want in on the victimhood Olympics of our time. Or perhaps they are just cynical people who have realised that the rules have become wildly fuzzy and leapt into the resulting mêlée to make a bit of cash.

The interesting thing when it comes to male-on-male relations is that you take the female out of the equation. Which may seem obvious. But this helps clarify something crucial, which is that when you remove all the connotations and baggage that comes with the male-to-female power dynamic, other dynamics come into view.

My friend Kevin Spacey is back in the news this week after Channel 4 decided to do an ‘investigation’ into his private life. Spacey has previously been found not guilty of similar allegations in British and US courts (though that did not get nearly as much press attention as the original accusations). You may remember that he was one of those actors caught up in the #MeToo era, when serious accusations against a few people suddenly turned into a crowd stampede in which anyone who had ever had an unwanted sexual advance made to them could speak out and be applauded for their stunning bravery.

The accusations against Spacey come from vaguely identified people – one from almost 50 years ago. The most serious comes from a man who says Spacey shoved his groin (he was clothed) into his face during a performance of Cinderella at the Old Vic. Various of the accusers said that they thought that the odd thigh stroke came with the suggestion that Spacey might somehow help them with their film careers.

Spacey has vehemently denied the accusations in the Channel 4 programme. But the most telling thing is this allegation that he somehow behaved in a flirtatious manner while dangling the promise of a bright career before the men. One of them seems to have led Spacey on for a considerable time, raising the question of why someone would keep going out with someone who is making advances they do not want.

Since women are not involved, let us get to an unspoken truth here. If a young actor believes an older (then closeted) actor is gay, is it surprising if they do not just put up with but indeed encourage behaviour which allows them to get closer to that person, in the belief that their career will flourish as a result? Spacey says he has never dangled career prospects in front of people in this way. But I bet a lot of men have come across his path hoping he would.

In any case, there must be some area between chastity and sexual assault. I would suggest that it is the realm of manners – and neither the law nor Channel 4 have any business there.