After my exam chaos I was shocked by my ATAR results. Now it's ...

yesterday

WAtoday

To be honest, writing this piece for The Age before heading off for my morning shift at the local bookstore is not how I’d imagined spending the day I got my VCE and ATAR results. It’s been as hectic as any other morning.

But then it’s fitting, because very little of my VCE experience has turned out how I’d expected. I ended up running out of time in two of the exams that I’d expected to perform best in. I almost missed my French trial exam due to a comically disastrous combination of a missed bus, two cancelled trams, and dropping my wallet along the way.

Saria Ratnam has rethought her next steps after receiving a surprise ATAR result. Credit: Joe Armao

I was set on going about year 12 as calmly and consistently as possible. I stuck to my routine of taking Sundays off, finishing work at nine, and fitting in a run or walk each day. I’d been happy with all my assessment results throughout the year. And I imagined that sense of control and regularity would continue into the exam period, translating into the results that I hoped for.

What I didn’t realise is that VCE exams are strange, pressurised, unpredictable things. You can set yourself up with the best chance of success, and something can still go wrong. I, and most year 12s I know, mismanaged time, misread a question, or just had a mental blank at a crucial moment – that’s just what nerves do.

Besides, life doesn’t pause for year 12. Many of my friends have had to deal with illness, bereavement, or difficult family situations – circumstances you can’t control or anticipate, but which still impact these final results. And, on top of that, the class of 2024 has had its schooling punctuated by some bizarre plot twists. Two years of online school, the advent of ChatGPT (resulting in drastic changes to our assessments, for authentication purposes), and the recent exam leak, have all meant that our educational experience has been pretty distinctive, and at times quite unexpected.

So I went into today with lower, perhaps more realistic, expectations than those I’d held at the start of the year. Influenced by parents, teachers, grades throughout the year, and time spent on the ATAR calculator website – we all have scores we hope or expect to achieve and courses we want to get into. By the end of exams, I was almost certain that I wouldn’t get into my first preference course, Arts/Juris Doctor at the University of Melbourne.

But after all that, I was completely shocked by the scores I received. In a good way. I’m still not entirely sure whether I will have made the cut-off for the course, but I have a chance. And I met my own personal goals for each of my subjects, as well as my ATAR goal – which is what I wanted to get out of today.

So I have a new, more optimistic outlook on VCE now. Yes, it’s still unpredictable, chaotic, and incredibly stressful at times. There’s still a lot that remains out of our hands. But all you can do is put in the work, and hope it pays off. You just have to trust your teachers and the process. And do your best to block out the noise. To not think about the results you need or want in each subject. Just aim to achieve the most that you’re capable of, at that moment and within those circumstances. That’s, to the best of my knowledge, how you give yourself the best chance of getting the ATAR you want.

When reflecting on my VCE experience this morning I also realised something else: you don’t have to wait for your results to begin the rest of your life. I didn’t need an ATAR to seek writing opportunities, once I decided that was what I loved. I have friends who have already had interviews for professional sports teams, apprenticeships, music courses or acting schools.

And so, to the class of 2024 – your future is already unfurling, irrespective of your ATAR. Whether it seems that way or not. Schoolies, summer jobs, picking up a new hobby or book – these are all signs that life is already moving on.

I’m trying not to see results day as the sum achievement of my 13 years of schooling. Instead, I’m taking it as permission to finally close this chapter. Year 12 is frequently characterised by the sense it is a transition stage; a constant waiting for the next thing. You dread the upcoming assessment, and anxiously await the results. And you do it again. You wait nervously for exams to start, and then once they start, you can’t wait for them to be over. Now the final wait is over. Regardless of the actual scores, this day comes with a unique, and beautiful, sense of closure.

The day after my last exam, I took the train to the part of Fitzroy I grew up in, with no real plan or purpose. I just wandered in and out of shops, through the streets, had a coffee at Marios, perused the bookstore next door. I remember wanting to take everything in. Watching all the people going about their lives, enjoying the sunshine. For the first time, I took a moment to think about how it felt to finish school. To be conscious of the bittersweetness of it; the blend of nostalgia, loss, joy and relief.

I’d encourage my fellow year 12s to do the same today. Spend some time by yourself. Go somewhere you love. And remember today. For all of us, there were times when it felt like it would never come. But it has.

Saria Ratnam is a Melbourne high school graduate who was highly commended in the 2023 Age/Dymocks Essay Prize for young writers.

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