'Emily in Paris' Recap, Season 4, Episode 8

Mindy is dating a superrich scion, which means it is only a matter of time before she finds herself at a polo match. Nothing gets the one percent going like horse sports. Emily is wearing a mauve and pink checkerboard pattern from her bucket hat (no) to her boots. Very ugly, sorry to say. Mindy should know exactly how to dress, but her mismatched whites are bugging me, and her pearl beret feels … off. But someone who has attended polo in real life can tell me if I am incorrect about the appropriate nature of their attire. Mindy reports her plan to lip sync her Crazy Horse debut, thanks to Benoit (ooOOooOh!) for assisting on the prerecord. This, we all know, is a classic Chekhov’s lip sync, which will surely end in some sort of Ashlee-on-SNL style disaster.

I am giving up hope regarding Emily (on the outfit alone) when in gallops MARCELLO. I knew he’d be back! He is called the “Italian Stallion” and, what do you know? He’s friends with Nico. Did you read Emily St. John Mandel’s The Glass Hotel? It’s excellent, and there’s this recurring theme about how “money is a country”: how it doesn’t matter where in the world you are; if you’re part of the uber-rich, you’re basically always in the same place, with the same people, experiencing the same uninspired, frictionless nonculture. I think about this all the time! It’s what popped into my head as soon as Mindy found out Marcello’s full bio, and he said he and Nico were already buddies.

I don’t believe for a second Emily was too “petrified” on the slopes to notice that her rescuer was hot. She does describe him as “quite heroic,” though, and immediately starts talking to him about work. Here’s the thing: If she’d asked him this question on the mountain and he’d given her this cute “I’m a goatherd” response, I would buy that she believed it. But given the context — this is me gesturing wildly at the polo field, whose every occupant probably stores at least some of their money in an offshore account — the fact that Emily doesn’t clock right away that he is giving her a little cover story for his actual job is almost unbearably dopey of her. (Also, it seems like the sort of thing Mindy would have alerted to her immediately. But whatever.) The important thing is she tells him she’s single, and he says, essentially, “I’m glad you’re not dating that dipshit who left you to die on a mountain,” and asks to see her again before he leaves Paris. Yes, PLEASE.

Back at the apartment, this poor put-upon landlady is having a meltdown because Camille, as is her way, has left without saying good-bye. It’s Gabriel’s job to find a new tenant, and I don’t know how, but I know that Genevieve is going to end up living in that room. That, or it’ll be Benoit. Just like Gabriel’s is Paris’ only restaurant, this building is the city’s only apartment, as far as EIP is concerned.

The office has a new toy: an espresso machine! It is winter and (I assume) the past in this series, and therefore, no one makes a Sabrina Carptener reference. Instead, we learn what, deep down, we all already knew: Emily drinks syrupy Starbucks concoctions that taste like the seasons. I like her masc look, but why is her jacket gold? Is she a magician? In Vegas? Emily tries to sniff out Genevieve’s sneaky behavior and suggests to this young assistant that it’s important to have professional boundaries. Given that, like, half of Agence Grateau’s clients are people who have or are currently having sex with the staff, it’s hard to believe Genevieve will feel compelled to heed this warning. Genevieve needs a place to live, and Emily catches herself before she can recommend the apartment. Good girl, Emily.

The espresso machine is courtesy of a new client, Bavazza. Everyone in the office speaks Italian except for Emily. And yet the meeting is taking place in English. Why?? This woman is very into Luc, and I am curious if the show has chosen to forget all about his not-actually-a-Michelin-judge girlfriend, who recently moved into his houseboat. Just as Emily did before her, Genevieve speaks out of turn in the meeting to pitch Chef Gabriel as part of the campaign. This is so absurd and pointless, and I love that no one in the room even tries to make a stronger case for what makes Gabriel special beyond, “Well, he’s hot.” I see we have identified his only redeeming quality. Julien gloats as Emily tries to manage her young charge, who is out-Emilying her.

But who can stay bothered by something like this when, upon returning to her desk, Emily discovers a box from Umberto Muratori, a cashmere brand so chic even Sylvie is impressed. What do you know, Emily’s goatherd is Marcello Muratori, heir to this particular fortune. “Wearing this is a symbol you have exquisite taste,” Sylvie says. “So why did Marcello send it to you?”

Over in Mindyland, the photo shoot for Eurovision excludes the third bandmate entirely — his is a thankless task — so Benoit and Mindy can lean in for an almost-kiss. Mindy is wearing … a breastplate/necklace that looks like the outline of actual breasts with pearls for nipples? A reference, perhaps, to her Crazy Horse work? It all looks insane, though I do think Eurovision might be the one place where Mindy’s preferred more-is-more attire is be workplace-appropriate.

That night, Nico has a change of heart and shows up for the Crazy Horse show to be a good supportive boyfriend. I hate Emily’s peplum, but I respect her bold makeup. Because of the laws of Chekhov’s lip sync, the audio file isn’t working, so instead, Mindy must engage in a very strategic choreo, almost a slapstick bit about hiding her tits which hits very well with the crowd. I must ask: Why is her performance outfit so tacky when her audition fit was so good? Mindy gives big vocals to “Oops! …I Did It Again,” which is maybe supposed to have a connection to those outfits they were wearing at the end of the last episode? And also, WHY is she singing an American pop song in English? Has anyone been to Crazy Horse, and if so, can you report if this is the sort of thing they’d do?

Backstage, Nico is confused and relieved about Mindy’s performance and irritated at Benoit’s presence. On the way out, Benoit privately admits to Emily that he’s sad that he let “someone great” get away. Emily reaches for her phone, and I write in my notes if she is texting Gabriel again and not Marcello I swear to GOD I will jump into my television and burn all her bucket hats so fortunately for us all — me, the TV, the hats — she is texting the Italian stallion.

She and Marcello have a very lovely Before Sunrise-type night of strolling, talking, and watching the sunrise over the city. Alas, he is flying back to Rome today. And all they’ve done is hold hands!

At the apartment, Emily is wearing this great oversized red sweater … almost like something Sylvie would wear … she’s learning! Mindy encourages Emily to keep on “stamping her passport” and says Nico is struggling with the Benoit situation, which is exactly the same storyline as last time around, so why are we doing this again?

At the party for Bavazza, Luc is lit from all the bavazzatinis and Julien is wearing some obscene number of giant rose pins on his lapels. Gabriel is there with this sad, floppy early-Bieber hair. Emily is trying, yet again, to make their friendship work. I hate to agree with Gabriel, but he says they should take some space for now, and obviously, I agree. And then Marcello arrives! “I’d rather miss a flight than miss a party” is his excellent mantra. Good thing Emily wore that scarf he gave her! Marcello tells Gabriel the story of how he and Emily met as any reasonable person would, calling the boyfriend in question a jerk, and Gabriel says, “I completely agree.” He politely excuses himself, and for some insane reason Emily chases after him. To do what? Explain?! He WAS a jerk; let it GO.

While Emily runs after Gabriel, Sylvie introduces herself to Marcello. Her Italian is impeccable, naturally, but for some reason, they are speaking English. He hints at some “business opportunity” besides polo that brought him to town and then extricates himself to find Emily, who he invites to Rome for a week. He’ll send her a ticket! Finally, we get a good kiss on this show with his hand on her chin and his “Tell me you’ll think about it.” Emily, What is there to think about? I bet she’s never used a single vacation day. Time to cash them in! Getting left on that mountain was the best thing that ever happened to her.