Eminem's New Song “Houdini” Is Really, Really Bad
How does he do it? More than 20 years after he took an abrupt swerve into making terrible music, Eminem continues to find new ways to get even shittier. It’s truly amazing. Scientists should study him.
It’s been a while since the world had to contend with the grim prospect of a new Eminem album. Music To Be Murdered By, his last one, came out way back in January 2020, and he could’ve just left it there. He would’ve had a fine career making occasional soundtrack contributions to Venom sequels and hyping up Crypto.com, but no. Instead, Eminem has recently been teasing a new record called The Death of Slim Shady (Coup de Grâce), hinting that it might be his final record. Fingers crossed! The first single arrived this morning. It’s called “Houdini,” and he announced it in a video with David Blaine a few days ago. It’s terrible.
Eminem and longtime co-producer Luis Resto built the “Houdini” beat and chorus on a sample of the Steve Miller Band’s wretched-ass 1982 hit “Abracadabra,” and they’ve made it sound even more like circus music. You will not be surprised to learn that the lyrics are full of hack-ass jokes about how everything is too woke now. On the bridge, Em wonders how the younger version of him would react to today’s culture, and then he answers his own question: “He’d probably say that everything is gay.” In a quieter ad-lib, he adds, “Like happy.” That’s the level that we’re working at here.
You could make a fucking bingo card out of this. The cadences, naturally, are cluttered and unpleasant, with over-explained run-on punchlines. There’s an R. Kelly joke. There’s a joke about Megan Thee Stallion getting shot: “If I was to ask for Megan Thee Stallion if she would collab with me, would I really have a shot at a feat?” (The video spells out “feat,” just to make sure we get it.) There’s a line about how Eminem will hit an eight-year-old in the face with a participation trophy. He says this: “My transgender cat’s Siamese/ Identifies as Black, but acts Chinese.” He dares us to cancel him, though the only appropriate response is to roll your eyes while doing the jerking-off hand motion.
Like so many past Eminem videos, the “Houdini” video is full of references to past Eminem videos — in this case, the “Without Me” clip and the VMA performance with the bleach-haired lookalikes. Director Rich Lee’s big idea is to have present-day Eminem do battle with his digitally de-aged 2002 self, who’s just stepped through a time portal. There are a whole lot of cameos: Dr. Dre, Jimmy Iovine, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, the Alchemist, Pete Davidson, Shane Gillis, Em’s daughters, probably some others that I missed. If you really need to see this thing for yourself, it’s below.
