'I was a burden on my son': Why Ivan Cleary almost quit Penrith
Panthers coach Ivan Cleary has revealed how he once felt like a burden on his son, Nathan, and contemplated quitting his job at the Panthers after his first season back at the club in 2019.
An emotional Cleary recounted the heartache that he put himself and his family through when he walked out on the Wests Tigers to reunite with Nathan at the Panthers, and why he was ready to walk away from it all.
“I was thinking about the end in that first year. I was,” he told this masthead amidst the wild celebrations inside the team’s dressing room late Sunday night.
“I felt very burdened by the father-son thing. Nathan wasn’t playing well, and I felt guilty for that. I felt like a burden on him. Then I was wondering ‘maybe I’m not the right man for this job’. I just could never have imagined what the next four years would be like. I’m glad we stuck it out.”
Sunday night’s historic three-peat marked the end of five years of Cleary’s second-coming at the Panthers - the length of the handshake agreement that was made between himself and former chairman Dave O’Neill over a $4.20 coffee at a cafe on the outskirts of Penrith.
Lost in the mayhem and confetti of another grand final triumph was an embrace between the coach and the man who brought him back to the club.
Emotional embrace: Ivan Cleary with son Nathan after Sunday’s grand final win.Credit: Getty
“Mate, look what you have started,” Cleary said in a warm exchange with former chairman O’Neill, who was on the field as a guest of the club.
It was O’Neill who, without the knowledge of the board at the time, lured the coach back to Penrith by enticing him out of his contract with the Tigers in one of the most dramatic and controversial stories of that season.
“Honestly, when I went and had a coffee with Dave, I had no idea what he was going to ask me,” Cleary said.
“Honestly, I didn’t. When he asked me, my whole being was like ‘absolutely’. That’s just how I felt. My heart was still at Penrith.
Ivan and Nathan Cleary with the Provan-Summons trophy on Sunday night.Credit: Getty
“I love the Tigers. I do. And I’m so grateful for them, but your heart can only be in one place. When Dave asked me to come back, my heart was back in Penrith. I felt like I belonged here and that’s how it worked out.”
While O’Neill has since been voted off the board, the bond he shares with the coach remains.
“Get the coach, keep the halfback,” he yells out from across the ground. “How’s that for five years.”
“I just embraced Ivan and said ‘can you believe this is actually happened’? ‘Gus’ [former Panthers general manager Phil Gould] was always confident Nathan wouldn’t go anywhere.
“Maybe looking back he was right, but there were plenty of rumours out there that JP (Tigers chief executive Justin Pascoe) was telling people that he was going to get Nathan to the Tigers. So, I went and did the opposite and brought Ivan back. Get the coach, keep the halfback. The rest is history.”
Nathan Cleary, with the Clive Churchill Medal wrapped around his neck, says he was never going anywhere.
He knows the pain and criticism his father endured in leaving the Tigers.
“The way it went at the Tigers wasn’t the way he wanted it to go,” Nathan said.
Spencer Leniu pours an ice bucket over Panthers coach Ivan Cleary after their grand final win.Credit: Getty Images
“This was just too good of an opportunity to give up. We may have never been able to link together. The opportunity to do it at Penrith, which feels like home for us, was something he couldn’t pass up. It hurt him a lot, but to stand here today with this feeling, it makes it all worth it. It’s pretty special.”
During Nathan’s post-match speech after receiving the Clive Churchill Medal for the second time in his career, the game’s best halfback sent an ominous warning to rival clubs.
“We’re only getting started,” he said. It’s a sentiment echoed by his father.
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“It’s hard to explain and put into words what I felt when I came back,” Ivan said. “We just wanted to turn this club into something people were proud of. I kind of look at it like a 10-year journey or this never-ending journey, which is still on. I never could have imagined we could do what we have done.
“There’s never been an endpoint. Still to me, we have so much to do. We’re just going to keep making our community proud. That moment when Nathan scored at the end, I would have taken a lot less special moments than that to come back to this club for.”
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