The Block 2023 episode 1 recap: Homes labelled 'fugly' as teams do ...

It’s back to the suburbs (with a few small twists) when The Block returned to screens for 2023.

There were no proud proclamations from Scott Cam about this series having the biggest houses or the biggest parcels of land in Block history. Nor any controversy about its location.

Instead, we have five very similar, single-storey, blonde-brick houses on Charming Street (yes, really!) in East Hampton. And remarkably, apart from being a bit tired and dated, they weren’t even that unhabitable.

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The drama this year, by the looks of it, is going to come from our contestants who – shock, horror – have far less building qualifications between them than in previous years.

Contestants and crew of The Block filming on Charming St Hampton earlier in the year. Picture: David Geraghty

They also have some pretty big personalities, which always makes for great viewing.

The five teams (each hailing from different states) rock up to Block HQ filled with the enthusiasm of people who haven’t yet spent all night painting or felt the pressure of a visit from foreman Keith on waterproofing Wednesday.

Many of them have been trying for years to get the call to do the show. And now their time has finally come.

Melbourne sisters Liberty and Eliza have no renovation experience. Picture: Supplied, Channel 9

From Victoria, we have Eliza and her little sister, Liberty. They may have the home ground advantage, but they have never done a reno.

They do, however, have the dubious honour of becoming the most luggage-laden contestants in Block history.

The sisters, having seen the show and the time pressure the contestants are often under, have brought everything from Tupperware through to medication for all manner of stomach ailments to avoid any unexpected trips to the shops (or the bathroom).

Liberty even bought her LED face mask so that she could retain her youthful glow underneath the paint splatters and plaster dust.

They have the homeground advantage, but Liberty and Eliza aren’t leaving anything to chance and have packed for the apocalypse. Picture: Supplied, Channel 9

Then we have Queenslanders Leah and Ash. They applied back in 2017 and when they weren’t selected, decided to focus on getting married and starting a family instead.

“The Block was our plan A and life was our plan B,” Leah laughed.

Fireman Kyle and education assistant Lesley are from WA. They have two sons and they also have been trying to get on the show for yonks. I think their son sold it this time with his pitch, pleading: “Please pick them, I am almost about to start puberty!”

Project manager Kristy and safety advisor Brett are from SA and (with their qualifications) you’d imagine they will be able to keep foremen Keith and Dan happy by running an orderly and hazard-free worksite.

And finally, there’s NSW newlyweds Steph and Gian come from NSW. She’s an architect and he’s part of a start-up. Steph looks set to be a very colourful character and I don’t mean in her fashion choices.

“We wear beige or white. We like muted colours,” she explained of their matching garb.

Before the teams headed off to Charming St, Scotty revealed the architect’s drawings of what the properties would look like once they are complete. This was a Block first, he told them! And it avoids another cheating scandal ala Tania and Vito circa 2021.

Queenslanders Leah and Ash are in it to win it. Picture: supplied.

While the houses all look pretty similar now, by The Block’s end they would each have their own unique style, inside and out.

That of course, made the first challenge – which determined the house selection order – all the more vital.

“To be completely honest, these are fugly as,” an underwhelmed Eliza said as she pulled up to Charming St to see what they will be renovating.

Interestingly, this year the teams didn’t walk into a bomb site of rubble and debris. Instead, it’s more of a time warp, with each property styled to look like a budget version of the Mad Men set.

“I feel like I have walked into the doily kingdom. Or nannasville,” Eliza quipped. While other contestants were excitedly thinking of ways, they could re-use some of the trinkets and furnishings in their renovations.

In a weird bit of cross-promotion, for their first challenge the teams were told they had to style their rooms using a Disney character as inspiration.

While some got it easy with characters like Elsa from Frozen and Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story, poor Eliza and Liberty had no idea who their character was.

Scotty explained that the small brown figurine was Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy, but that didn’t seem to help much either. Thank goodness for Google.

West Australians Leslie and Kyle have been trying to get on the show for years. Picture: Supplied, Channel 9

Unfortunately, they were equally flummoxed by a lot of the basic renovation work too with Kristy admitting that this would be the first time that she had used a wheelbarrow. She likened the experience to what it must feel like to ride a unicycle.

“Like everything I am doing on this show I made a giant fool of myself,” she said.

Meanwhile Gian and Steph must’ve missed the memo that they were designing a kids’ room. Steph also made the foolhardy decision to go big or go home and elected to spend precious hours making the room bigger in a challenge that is largely about window dressing not architecture.

“Where’s the story? Where’s the Toy Story?” Scotty asked upon seeing their whimsy-free room with its double bed and muted colours.

“This looks like a hotel room for a dirty weekend not a kid’s room.”

“Define a kid,” Gian countered. Steph then explained that she wasn’t here to give people the conventional version of anything.

South Australians Kristy and Brett have the most building experience. Picture: Supplied

Predictably, judges Neale Whitaker, Shaynna Blaze and Darren Palmer were unimpressed, saying that Gian and Steff failed to meet the brief.

“It’s lacking any soul. Any punch. Any vibe,” Neale said.

They had more positive things to say about Kristy and Brett’s Elsa-inspired room. For starters it had some toys and a child-sized bed. Darren felt they could have had a bit more fun and added a feature wall or some brightly painted walls.

Likewise, Neale felt Kyle and Lesley’s Baby Yoda room was “on its way but not quite there”. The judges liked the space-themed wallpaper but dubbed their bean bag “scary”.

What the first three rooms lacked in wow-factor, the judges found in Leah and Ash’s fairytale castle room.

With its bright pink walls, colourful soft furnishings and built-in bunk beds, Shaynna was squealing with delight as she entered the room.

“It’s a work of art,” Neale agreed as the three declared it the best challenge room in all 19 seasons.

Childhood sweethearts Steph and Gian are anything but beige (except when it comes to their styling choices. Picture: Supplied, Channel 9

Despite their low expectations and lack of experience with a wheelbarrow, Eliza and Liberty didn’t cop any harsh feedback from the judges.

Once Darren explained to Neale and Shaynna who Groot is (seriously, how have people NOT seen Guardians of the Galaxy?) they could see why their green and timber room made perfect sense.

And so, with Queenslanders Leah and Ash the clear winners it now falls to them to get first pick of the properties. But we have to wait until tomorrow night to see what they decide.

Leah and Ash: 27

Eliza and Liberty: 18.5

Kristy and Brett: 18

Kyle and Leslie: 17.5

Steph and Gian: 14

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