'Vanderpump Rules' Reunion Twist: Was Raquel's Reveal Worth the ...

Part 3 of the Vanderpump Rules Season 10 reunion offered Harry Potter insults, ugly reveals, and Ariana and Lala turning it up to 11

The devolution of Tom Sandoval from heel to arch-villain is one of the more compelling arcs in the history of reality television. When he wasn’t flat-ironing his hair, getting dog-walked by Kristen Doute, or slinging drinks at SUR, the emo man-child served as the meek foil to alpha dog — and self-described “Number one guy in the group” — Jax Taylor. Then, in the words of his ex, Ariana Madix, he “got a little bit of money, a little bar, a little band,” and transformed into a vainglorious, shouty creep with a foul mustache.

Now, there were signs of the d-bag lurking within. His Vegas hotel-pool hookup with Ariana whilst dating Kristen. Miami Girl. Bullying his way into co-authoring Ariana’s cocktail book. Rage-texting Stassi. His “cyst male” speech. This outfit. But even so, few would peg him as a man so nefarious he’d carry on a months-long affair behind the back of his partner of nearly a decade with her twenty-something bestie, Raquel Leviss. Ariana was so “ride or fucking die” (her words) for him that they shared a home together and were in the process of fertilizing embryos, even though she’d been vocal about not wanting to give birth from day one. That didn’t matter. Neither did her dog and grandmother passing away in quick succession (more on this later).

In early March, the cheating scandal known as “Scandoval” — the Sandoval/Raquel entanglement — enraptured the nation. And Ariana uncovered it in the most disturbing fashion: finding a recording on Sandoval’s phone of the two of them masturbating to each other over FaceTime. To make matters worse, Ariana was Raquel’s BFF and life raft. Like her long-time friend Scheana, another Raquel loyalist, Ariana knew how difficult it was to ingratiate yourself to this incestuous, backstabbing group and took her in, only to be knifed herself.

On the night of June 7th, the third part of the Vanderpump Rules Season 10 reunion aired on Bravo, capping one of the most riveting seasons of reality television — or television, period — in recent memory. Succession may have been a Shakespearean soap opera, but Vanderpump Rules was soap opera in its purest form, and unraveled like a Galaxy Light-lit neo-noir, as we slowly worked our way toward the ugly reveal. Bravo, in a truly ingenious move, placed each and every one of its viewers in the role of a detective sniffing out clues. We were all Lala Kent.

It should be noted that prior to #Scandoval, the show had completely jumped the shark. This thing was deader than Michael Bloomberg’s presidential campaign after Elizabeth Warren ethered him onstage. First, the Season Eight “reboot” landed with a thud, resulting in two scummy cast members gaslighting poor Scheana before being fired for racist tweets and whatever Charli was doing. Then, Lisa Vanderpump and Co. washed their hands of the original Chaos Trio — Stassi Schroeder, Kristen Doute, and Jax Taylor — stripping the series of its three most dynamic personalities. In a strange way, Scandoval saved Vanderpump Rules. Rather than being canceled, its ratings skyrocketed, receiving around twice the viewers of the final season of Succession. Its stars were the talk of the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, and even made their way into host Roy Wood Jr.’s set. And, unlike fellow Bravo standouts Summer House and The Real Housewives of New Jersey, its reunion episodes felt more enlivening than elegiac.  

I’ve already recapped the first and second Vanderpump Rules reunion episodes. And tonight’s final chapter did not disappoint, though was oversold by its executive producer, spawning a plethora of wild conspiracy theories, from a Raquel pregnancy to Lisa Vanderpump slander to a Brock/Raquel tryst to Scandoval originating pre-Rachella. The much-ballyhooed reveal didn’t quite live up to those lofty expectations, but nonetheless landed the plane: Raquel, in a one-on-one interview taped six days after the March 23rd reunion, confessed that she “didn’t want to lie anymore” to cover up for Sandoval, a 40-year-old man (to her 28) in the midst of an apparent midlife crisis.

These two have lied so, so much, so who knows how truthful this is, but here it goes: Raquel says that her and Sandoval sleeping together was a regular thing during filming, and the second time it happened was during Scheana’s wedding in Mexico. Remember that clip we saw of Sandoval kissing Raquel in bed in a hotel room during the midseason sneak peek, never to be seen again? Was that in Mexico? Did production know all along? It sure as hell looks like it. This was also, by the way, the same Mexico wedding weekend where Raquel made out with Schwartz. Did that kiss make Sandoval jealous? Was that its intent? Anyway, Raquel says she and Sandoval slept together multiple times during Scheana’s wedding weekend, and their affair then “picked up speed” after filming, which wrapped sometime in September of last year. Raquel also admits that she met Sandoval’s firefighter-mom on multiple occasions and visited his family in St. Louis. So, Sandoval has not only implicated his mother as an accomplice of sorts in his dirty reality-TV affair, but also took $250,000 from her retirement fund to help bankroll his strip-mall bar, Schwartz & Sandy’s. This fuckin’ guy.

“I definitely felt really guilty,” offers Raquel, unconvincingly. “Like, it ate me alive not to tell [Ariana]. I even suggested, like, what would Ariana think of having me as an addition?” In other words, Raquel claims she proposed to Sandoval that she, Sandoval, and Ariana become a throuple, presumably because Ariana is openly bisexual, only to have Sandoval shoot that idea down. Raquel refuses to reveal that they had sex the first time after boys’ night at the Mondrian though looks guilty as hell when pressed on it, sharing, “He’s asked me to not disclose all this information.” (This was immediately after Ariana’s beloved dog, Charlotte, died, and Lala, Katie, and Kristina Kelly lightly mocking her behind her back, signaling that Raquel hooking up with Sandoval post-Vegas/Havasu girls’ trip may have been an act of revenge). Oh, and Raquel says that she had sex with Sandoval in the home he shared with Ariana while she was out of town for her grandmother Bonnie’s funeral. Ick.

Raquel’s admissions contradict Sandoval’s previous claims that the affair began in January of this year (obvious bullshit); was a one-night stand following boys’ night that picked up many months later (more bullshit); that they’d never hooked up in his and Ariana’s home (even more bullshit); and that his mother was surprised by it all (unfathomable bullshit).  

Let’s go back a bit and revisit the other fun moments from Part 3 of the Season 10 reunion. Every time they cut to Scheana cradling a White Claw in a trailer 100 yards from Raquel, owing to the temporary restraining order Raquel took out against her former friend for allegedly clocking her, is as good as… gold. Sandoval (with the backing of moderator Andy Cohen) tries to, at various points, paint Lala as a hypocrite for being with a married man herself, only to have Lala return serve with a vengeance: “I WASN’T YOUR BEST FRIEND, HO!” she shouts at Raquel, alleging she was “lied to for a very long time” by her ex, the skeevy movie producer Randall Emmett. Here’s the thing: Sandoval going after Lala over this is not only textbook Sandoval, who always redirects blame, but is especially insidious given how she’s currently embroiled in a custody battle with Emmett over their two-year-old daughter, Ocean.

Around this time, Lisa Vanderpump insinuates that Lala has become “a bitter woman” post-Emmett, which is a pretty revolting thing to say (Vanderpump came off very poorly during the entirety of the reunion due to her series-long fuckboy blind spot). Katie says Schwartz’s kiss with Raquel at Scheana’s wedding looked like “father-daughter kissing,” which is so hilariously accurate it even makes Schwartz double over with laughter (easier when you don’t have a spine), and tells them, “She’s a cunt and you’re a drunk.” Katie Maloney, aka “Tequila Katie,” aka “The Prophet,” has been the MVP all season long. Both Sandoval and Raquel say they are still in “love” with one another, and — I hate to say it — the “worm with a mustache” has a funny moment of his own when he imitates DJ James Kennedy’s British accent Forgetting Sarah Marshall-style; though Kennedy retaliates later on by branding Sandoval and Raquel “poo-poo heads.” (Sandoval is now reportedly hooking up with a girl in Austin, Texas, is no longer with Raquel, and has taken to mocking Raquel during his shitty cover band’s live performances, by the way.)

Ariana spends much of Part 3 of the reunion reading Raquel for filth. Here are her best lines:

“Selfish does not fucking cover it, bitch! Diabolical, demented, disgusting, subhuman. Start getting a better vocabulary to describe your fucking actions.”

“Fuck yourself with a fucking cheese grater.”

“So, my dog had just died, I cried in your fucking arms, and you thought, ‘I should go fuck her boyfriend.’ You are lower than the fucking lowest of low people. You’re a fucking psychopath. You are terrifying to me as a person. The fact that you are capable of this shit? Un-fucking-believable. You’re a Dementor. I know you like Harry Potter. You’re a fucking Dementor. I hope Charlotte fucking haunts you. You’re a soul-sucking individual. And after today, I will never speak to you again, and I will be better for it.”

(Just to recap: Ariana called Raquel a Dementor and said that she wishes the ghost of her dead dog haunts her. I have never heard someone wish the ghost of their dead dog would haunt someone, but am glad that this was the first time.)

The reunion’s most poignant moment comes when Ariana, through tears, describes how the support she’s received in the wake of #Scandoval has lifted her spirits: “It’s what kept me going. My friends and my family and strangers… it’s honestly what kept me going. Thank you. I had a week and a half where I, like, didn’t eat. I lost eight pounds. I couldn’t do anything. I had someone stay with me every night, because I felt like I needed to be babysat, honestly. I, like, can’t think of two worse people. I can’t.”

And Sandoval, of course, shows more of his ass: mumbling insults under his breath, lying through his cigarette-stained teeth, and, when Ariana points out that Sandoval slept with her shortly after having sex with Raquel, sarcastically quips, “[Ariana] kept her T-shirt on. It was really hot.” The comment causes Andy and Lisa to grimace, and everyone in the room to be disgusted with him, even Schwartz. Instead of apologizing to Ariana for the hideous remark, he apologizes to Schwartz (just like in the finale episode). Sandoval also cries, and it’s less convincing than when Charlie Sheen tried to while being hauled out of his office by the feds at the end of Wall Street.

One of the more illuminating moments during Part 3 of the reunion comes during Raquel’s one-on-one interview when she tells producers, “Especially now, with being so isolated, I feel like Tom is, like, my one person that I do have. And if I just, like, went and betrayed him, then I’d really have nobody.” Since Vanderpump Rules cast members are forbidden from breaking the fourth wall, it’s something that often goes unsaid: much of the tension during Season 10 involved various players’ anxieties over potentially being cast out of the friend group, and by extension the show. It’s why Katie, DJ James Kennedy, and Lala were so triggered by Schwartz (because the Tom’s were cozying up to Raquel), and perhaps played a role in Raquel getting with Sandoval in the first place after splitting from DJ James Kennedy. How would she meaningfully factor into this messy reality-TV equation otherwise?

Where Vanderpump Rules goes from here remains to be seen, though I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in the cast returns given its overwhelming popularity. Cash is king, after all. Cut to: Raquel sauntering into Ariana and Katie’s sandwich shop, Something About Her, midway through Season 11.